Monday, May 24, 2010

[monday, may 24] most parents don't know their children, really.

i never fully understood, could never fully grasp, world war II. it's all just so... heavy. i would be lying if i said i could now.
i would also be lying if i said i didn't see myself in her.

"I long to ride a bike, dance, whistle, look at the world, feel young and know that I'm free."

while visiting the secret annex, which is beautiful and sobering and uplifting and painfully heartbreaking all at the same time, i realized i have not lived to my full capacity.
i'm not going to spend my time right now struggling to find the words to make sense out of what i'm trying to say. but something inside of me changed while i moved from wall to wall. staring at the old magazine clippings and pictures she had so carefully placed in front of her for inspiration. then raising my eyes to see the one place she could catch a glimpse of sunlight every morning out of the attic ceiling. i was fascinated. inspired.

it's unfortunate to read such a moving diary at such a young age. in seventh grade i couldn't possibly find meaning out of this.
i'm glad i have read it with new eyes. it wasn't her thoughts on war or hitler that made me enjoy this diary. i loved reading her criticisms. she would justify her own actions and acknowledge her flaws. she was intensely flawed and intensley gifted and intensely human.

my day in amsterdam wasn't spent in complete reflection of all of this.
amidst both museums (we also explored van gogh), we found time to splash our feet in some water. one of my favorite feelings.

mom and dad,
a video clip of otto talking about the first time he read anne's diary stuck out to me the most, and i have yet to get it off my mind.
he said he knew that she had kept a diary. never read it, but imagined that it was filled with thoughts about boys and other petty things.
he came to the conclusion that, "most parent's don't know, really, their children."
i don't know why i love this so much. maybe it's because i have always thought this to be true. maybe it's just refreshing to finally hear an adult, a parent, admit it. or maybe it's his placement of the words. he didn't say "don't really know" ...but, "don't know, really."
he had no idea that she was so intelligent. so intentional. "it was a revelation. there, was revealed a completely different anne to the child that i had lost. i had no idea of the depths of her thoughts and feelings."
so cheers, mom and dad, here's to this summer. and maybe through all of this we can get to know one another, really.

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